Up Close and Personal

If you haven't heard already... ya girl has Lupus.

Yeah, yeah. I know. What's lupus, right?

Well, you can find out all about it here, here, and here. Long story short, it's an auto immune disease where the body starts attacking itself for no reason. But unlike most auto immune disorders, lupus does not target one centralized area or system. It will attack any way and every where possible. Everyone I've come across that has lupus also has different symptoms that affect them in various ways, so it's hard to pinpoint a diagnosis, a cause, or even a cure.


But don't worry. My reason for sharing this post isn't to nag on how tired I am, or even to educate you on Lupus. I really just want to journal my feelings and symptoms. By doing that, hopefully I'm able to connect with those of you who may have lupus, or an auto immune disease, and let you know that I'm human too.

For me, lupus mostly stays in remission... except for a minor fluke I had while pregnant. A heart attack and a 3 week stay in the ICU, but no biggie. Every now and then, I'll get a flare up that will leave me feeling pretty crappy for a day or two, but that's pretty much it.

Usually, I'm able to function past the pain, but not today. Today was a different story. This morning...

I woke up scared. My head was throbbing, eyes were aching, whole body felt stiff, sore, and in pain. When I tried to move, I felt heavy. There was a burn in my muscles similar to the burn you get after working out at the gym, but 10 million times worse.

I cried.

It's so frustrating not being able to control your own body and having to fall victim to a disorder where you are literally deteriorating for no apparent reason.

After wiping my tears and talking with my sweet hubby, I realized that sometimes I just have to give in to my body. Although I may not want to - fear of the unknown, fear of losing control, fear of seeming weak - sometimes, I have to give in. For my sake. A healthier me leads to a happier we.

At the end of the day, God gave us a spirit of faith, not of defeat. And in His name, we are able to find the strength to face any battle and overcome. It's easy to forget. But, I was reminded today that taking a few moments to focus on this daily can really help to lift your spirits.

Mind you, I have no earthly idea what I was doing in this photo, but I kind of like it.

What about you? What are your biggest obstacles and what do you do to face them? Do you have lupus, or know someone who does? Share with me your daily struggles. It helps to know I'm not the only one in shambles :p We're alllllll in this together! *High School Musical voice*

Too much? Haha oh well, smooches!!

xo Chels