Marriage Learning Curve

Hold the front door.

As of today, Arthur and I have officially been married 34 days! What the frikkin frik, man. I still can't believe that we planned our courthouse wedding in less than 2 weeks and it turned out absolutely stunnnnniinnnnnggggggg (but more on that later).

I can honestly say that I made the best decision of my life on December 29, 2016, and every minute since then has been a chance for us to grow together, learn about each other, and ultimately mold ourselves to better suit each other as a life partner.

I know we haven't gotten that far in our journey together as Mr. and Mrs. but I feel like I have a few things to say! It's already been a learning experience for me, and you wouldn't think it would be that much different... I mean Arthur and I already spent every waking second together... but it is! That leads me right into my first thought...

1. Something about marriage changes you, changes the way you look at your partner, and the esteem you have for yourself. For me, I felt a new sense of inspiration in areas outside of my relationship - my career, my matriarchal role, my self-image. I felt like I had so much more to live for than just myself, and began seeing so much beauty in the happiness of every day life. (Kind of why I started this blog!!)

2. You have to learn to love your partner's flaws, no matter how much they annoy you. Like how much he doesn't take out the trash even after you ask him like 17 times, or his annoying habit of leaving the floor soaking wet after a shower, or the annoying pictures he sends you (he knows exactly what I'm talking about) that you absolutely HATE opening up. All of that I've had to learn to love. If I can't love it, I can at least tolerate it, because if not, there will be a lot of un-happiness in my future and ain't nobody got time for that!

3. Your partner needs attention sometimes too, just like you. This was a hard one for me to realize. Not in a conceited way, but I never thought about intentionally showing attention to my Mr. because he always seems so well put together. If you know him, you know that he will not let you know when something is wrong. But, as his wife, it is my responsibility to know him on every level. I don't take that lightly. So since I know he isn't going to open up to me all the time (but he is getting tons better), I try to make an effort to let him know that I support him, at all times, and for all reasons. Whether it's with a quick shout out on Insta, or trying to make a nice dinner, I always try to show my love for him.

4. Cherish the moment, every moment you can. Get out of the monotony! This is a big one! Typically, I don't care too much to 'seize the moment' when it's just me, but since we are a 'we' now, I've been trying to capture every stinking minute of it. We are that couple with the king and queen beanies and Bonnie & Clyde t-shirts. But hey, if I'm not going to show him off, who is?! And, I want to have something to remember these times when I'm old and gray, rocking in my chair on the porch. Even if it's corny, or small, it's a chance to create a memory!

5. Act like you're interested, even when you're not. Learn to be excited by what excites them. I say this as I am being forced to watch this ridiculous old man named JR on YouTube with Arthur... but I'm trying to act interested. *insert rolling eyes emoji* Not much more to say on this subject...

6. Compromise, compromise, compromise. And, compromise some more. I can't say how important this is!!!!!! Since getting married, we've tried to compromise more, but it's just been a subliminal thing. We never sat down and said 'hey, I'm going to need you to meet me in the middle on more things', it just kinda started happening (see #1). Compromise leads to both people feeling heard, appreciated, and ultimately happy.

7. Marriage is as amazing as it's cracked up to be, if you make it that way. It's only as good as what you put into it. You know, the grass is always greener on the other side? Well, that's only if you're not watering your own grass. Continue to nurture your relationship just like you did while you were dating and freshly in love with each other, and that excitement... well, I won't say it won't fade, because it will. But, instead, it will morph into a great admiration of each other. And that, my friends, is a beautiful thing.

***Here's a little bonus for newlyweds with children: Taking time to enjoy each other's company (without the kids) is a major key. I got the keys, the keys, the keys for real on this one (DJ Khaled ain't got nothin' on me!). It is soooo important to take time to engage in each other, no distractions. Marriage is based on your ability to grow together. Take time to spend together, whether it's getting a babysitter for a night on the town, or waiting until the kids go to bed and having a special night at home. Whatever it is, make sure it happens.

You can thank me later, k?

Are any of you guys still basking in newly-wedded bliss? Any funny stories or learning curves from your first few months as a married couple? Let me know what you've got! I'm always interested to know what you guys think, so I'm not just sharing my own life (no one-sided convos here!!). Until next time lovelies!! Smooches!!

xo Chels

P.S. If you're interested in getting to know the Mr. you can follow him here: Instagram | Snapchat | Twitter

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